I wonder

I was wondering how old would I be if I didn’t know my age and which is worse, never trying or failing every time I try. I wonder how many people I will long to meet up with, if I ever get to know that I have only one more day to live. I wonder how many waters I will willingly cross if my dream is waiting for me in some far away place.
I wonder how many friends who are currently in my contact list will make it my contact list after another five years. I wonder how many how many of those friends who wished me for my 23rd birthday will be there to wish me on the 30th one. I wonder whether I will be able to accept frailty with the same grace I accept old age and streaks of silver hair. I wonder whether I have the same certainty of where I am going to end up and how I am going to conclude my journey when I turn fifty-something.
I wonder when I will get over the habit of scribbling smilie-faces, happy suns and trees on the borders of tutorials and notes when I get bored. I wonder how many more bathroom sessions will it take for me to realize that my singing is not even up to the under-the-shower standards.
I wonder whether I will ever get tired of eating rice and pol sambol, waking up to the Maha Pirith in the morning and fall asleep with my head on Amma’s lap.
I wonder if I ever have to give up writing letters to my friends, make them handmade cards and wait for their replies coming in snail mail.
I wonder when Egypt will stop having the mystic pull that enthralls me, and keep me dreaming of setting my feet on her soil one day. I wonder how she will not hold her ancient charms even with her governments getting shaken and her museums being plundered.
I wonder how many more litres of ink will it take to make me feel ready to dip my pen, my heart and soul into the novel that has been knocking on my door ever since I turned fifteen. I wonder how many unexpected criticism and praise it will take for me to understand that there are more people reading my writing than I think.
And I keep wonder whether I am doing them justice :-)