Dear heart I am sorry

I know I have been foolish. I was selfish. Several times, I took you for granted. Today I would want to say sorry for everything I did or did not do that made you hurt.

I let down my guard easily and let the outsiders toy with you freely. I would have listened to my mind, yet I was not too wise then. I let them misuse your mildness and let them keep you hostage. I would have rescued you. But I was too blind then. I would have realized that it was torture, when it felt like it was acceptable in love. Dear heart, I am sorry.

I tried to imprison you in social conventions. I did not understand the gravity of the most innocent dreams you nurtured, nor did I take seriously the thoughts that triggered me to do the impossible. Instead of going by with what you preached, I took the safer way of listening to the mind more. I ignored you when you said I was strong enough to walk out of my comfort zones. Instead, I decided to take the easy way. I was deaf to your craving for adventure. Instead, I kept doing the same thing over and again. By doing so, I not only deprived you of the chance to soar high with jubilant feelings, but also I let myself get used to the sameness of life when I had every means to change it the way I want. Dear heart, I am sorry.

Too often I underrated your judgment and did not let myself trust your choices. I gave too much for rationale and thereby forgetting the simple truth that the most valuable things in life are the choices that were made with the heart wide open. I thought your pick was not good enough. Too often, I questioned your choices when I failed to see reason in it. When everything turned out perfectly, suddenly it dawned to me that this is why you led me through that route. So, today, I know better. Dear heart, I am sorry.

I have ignored your voice when you tried to alert me on a coming danger. I thought your voice was a sign that says I am going mad. I got scared in the vicinity of people who tried to talk to you directly. I knew you liked the sensation of it. Yet, I feared they were trespassing of my emotional boundaries. I did not know then that you were strong enough to be broken several times to emerge in one piece. I feared cynicism would violate you, a heavy dose of which would leave you blind to the romantics forever. I know today that you were much more than that. Dear heart, I am sorry.

I let you dictate me poetry, the only time you get autonomy over myself. I would not mind being led by you, for I know in most cases, you can hardly go wrong.  Dear heart, thank you for remaining unbroken.